Since someone has taken it upon themselves to fill their life with writing in their livejournal about how much better their life must be than mine I won't be writing in this anymore. Since you can't actually block someone on here (or it's a secret) I made a new one. So good luck finding me now bitch.

peace and love to my friends. too bad someone had to ruin it.

I broke up with Tony, I feel like shit
My cousin sarah never got back to me for teacher observations, so I'm fucked for that.
I have too much homework, I can't do it all and stay sane.
Rent is due today, I have no money.
Cedar Point trips keep getting cancelled, it's really annoying.
Everyone is 21 and goes out, except me.
I need another job, but I kinda want a life this summer.
I miss my cat from home, I don't like the cat at the apt.
I don't sleep well anymore.
I miss home.
I miss people from home.
I miss friends from school.
I feel bad because my parents keep trying to give me money, but I know they don't have much.
I don't know why I keep crying at work, it's really annoying.
I wish I could go on an actual vacation this summer for once.
I want to get out of Michigan but I don't want to leave my friends.
I want nikki to get out of the hospital, and stay out.
I want gas to be actually affordable.
I want to be done with school.
I want to have more good days than bad.
I want to make a difference somehow.
I want to work at disneyworld, but I don't have time.
I want to find someone who I can love and who will love me back.


But most of all I want to go back in time about 16 years ago when life was simple and I loved all aspects of it.

I woke up at 7:30 this morning after no sleep from hearing weird noises and cleo meow all night. I said fuck it. I was having cramps and tired as hell already. I set my alarm for 10:30 and went back to sleep missing class and all. I'm aware I shouldn't have done this but this morning I really didn't care. On my way out the door this morning I couldn't find the necklace I just bought, forgot my phone, and stepped on cleo. On the drive to work I got cut off and then almost rear-ended someone because some jackass switched lanes at the last minute. Oh and I tried adding this green tea powder stuff to my water today which was absolutely disgusting. It was not a good morning.

There is one really good thing about today though, and it is that Danielle is leaving California...the only bad thing about that is she can now spread her diseases in another state. Hahahahaha watch out boys of florida!

Despite my not so good morning and killer cramps I have, I'm in a decently mood. I have a lot of homework and a busy week but whatever, it always pulls through at the end. Besides, this saturday is morgan and I's party so that makes it that much better.

This past weekend was so nice. It was really good to be home. I did some yard work for my parents, went putt putting with joel and steve, hung out with vanessa (btw it is 10 dollars to see a freakin movie now) Sometimes I wish I was staying the summer at home, but I know if I did that it wouldn't turn out well, besides I wouldn't have a job. My cousin has a applied to 17 places in livonia, not one called back. It's baaad there. Everytime I go home another place has shut down. It's pathetic.

Classes need to be over, I need a break. No joke.

I took my midterm for my reading class today. I think I got like a high B which is freaking bullshit, but I'll save my ranting. My other class is pretty laid back as in what we're required to do for homework. She's extrememly strict on technical mistakes we make in writing but I'll learn. Her directions are confusing as hell, but usually after almost everyone in the class asks like 3 questions each, we're set. lol. The people in my class are pretty cool too.

Morgan and I are having a party on may 31st. More people need to some, I want it to be a lot of fun. I've never actually hosted a big party so im anxious to see what it's like.

Cedar Point is on Sunday and I hope people are going. I really really hope Erin doesn't go because all she does is talk about steve and how he's so hot and amazing and blah blah blah. Steve is one of my best friends and it's a little weird to here about that so much.

I have to do something I don't want to do. The time has come for it to happen and I'm prepared, I just hope it goes okay. I don't want any hard feelings. It's just not there anymore. Please don't hate me.

Nikki's in the hospital again. I think I'm visiting her today. I feel so bad for her when this happens, but I wish she'd take better care of herself. :(

I just want this day over with. I might treat myself to a drink or 2 later, we'll see.

So this past weekend was the best I've had in quite some time. Nikki asked me to go to Cedar Point for the weekend. At first I said no because I'm kinda low on cash. Then I said fuck it, I need some fun in my life so 75 dollars for the cabin and about 50 dollars for gas later I was having an awesome time at Cedar Point. I will never forget "Make It Rain" (total inside joke). What the hell, I'll explain it. So Michelle, Nikki, Kyle, and I went to the hot tub our first night's stay at CP. We got in the hot tub with this kid who was very friendly towards us and he said he could buy us alcohol. We all got dressed and were off to Sandusky looking for a liquor store with this 21 yr old we just met. The whole time we had talked to this kid he was trying to impress us how he worked for a cigarette company, is a drug dealer, and how he lives in LA. We had a feeling like he was lying about a few things so I decided to quiz him to know if he really knew anything about his so called "hometown" of LA. Turns out he completely didnt. I'm a freakin tourist and knew more! So after this was found out, we promptly got rid of "Make It Rain" and prayed we wouldn't see him the rest of the trip. Turns out Michelle and Kyle had later the next day...haha. So anyway...the weekend was a fucking blast. It was Michelle's 21st and we got bombed. SO FUN. I got a Maverick rollback, which I definitely didn't expect. Got lost on the way home...in Detroit, as usual. Only this time I couldn't get out cuz they had 96 closed off so it took me about an extra HOUR to get home taking 7 mile Rd all the way down. ugh.

I'm really tired of having a shit ton of hw all the time. At least I can do a lot of it at work. I'm currently looking for a second job. Wanna know why? Bet you do...GAAAASSSSS prices. Yeah fucking gas. I can't afford to eat and commute to school therefore I need a fucking second job. I can't believe it. I miss the high school days where it was 20 bucks to fill up the tank, now it's about 70. wow. I do really like living in ann arbor though, I don't think I'd have it any other way. My lease is up aug 18th though, right before my birthday :( But I'll make it work, always do.

This sunday is Luke's going away party, I really hope I can make it. He was my hangout buddy all last summer and I'm sad he won't be around this time.

Things with Tony are good. His birthday is Friday and he'll be 24. Awwww he's growing up. Although he still loves watching Spongebob at Deagle when I try to talk to him lol. Sorry tony, but I can see the hypnotic eyes. I honestly like how we act around each other, we just like to have a good time and that's really how it should be :)

It makes me happy I've made the right decision in life, while other's can't seem to do the same. I can honestly say I've learned very much this past year and now feel more comfortable with how I run my life. When I think of other's (one maybe in particular) and how screwed up things are but having no one to blame but themselves. All I can do is laugh to myself because I have a feeling they will never know when to stop, take a look at their fucked up life, and say "Maybe I could have prevented that STD, or the failed marriage, or all the guys that I slept with while claiming I was 'drunk'". I guess some people are in such desperate need of attention that when they're 22 they feel the need to act like the 13 old middle school slut?

Choose your victims wisely my friend, they make come back to haunt you.

So overall my grades were good for the semester, a 3.34 gpa which I can't complain about and it's raising my cummulative. I'm taking two spring classes- a reading course and a writing course. the reading course is 3hrs and 15 min, guess how long it goes? LONGER than 3hrs 15min. I want to punch my teacher because it makes me late for work, but I can't leave ON TIME because that's technically leaving EARLY. argh. That's my only problem with classes so far, besides the extreme amount of hw that comes from the same class.

I'm starting to get on a better sleep schedule. I have to wake up at 7:30 and 8:30 and that hasn't been fun the past week. Maybe it'll get easier...
I really like the apt in Ann Arbor now. I like the set up and Morgan is easy to live with. I just wish we could get some form of cable, or just basic channels would be fine, and also reliable internet. I think we'll work on that next week. It's been a drag without it.

I leave for Cedar Point tomorrow. I feel like I should be more excited, maybe it's cuz I'm so freaking tired. We have a cabin and there's a group going. I have to work on Friday when they're leaving so I have to drive alone there and leave early on Sunday for Mother's day. I hate that opening weekend is always mother's day. I'm very much looking forward to it being open for the summer! I hope gas prices wont stop me from going, although I have a feeling it will impact it. Driving to school is even a pain in the ass. I don't understand how it can go up 30 cents in 3 days...fuck that. Like I'm going to be able to afford to drive anywhere. Hello second job that I didn't think I'd need...

Saw Jumper last night, awesome movie, and it was set in Ann Arbor :) very cool.

So last Saturday I moved out of the dorms back into my house. It's always a pain to move all your stuff around. I didn't unpack, just kind of sorted through all my stuff to see if I could give anything away. Ended up giving away 3 bags of clothes...haha. It's still a little weird to think that my room on the 6th floor is completely empty, along with the entire building I suppose. At least it'll be there waiting for everyone next fall.

Today I move to Ann Arbor to live with Morgan and possibly others, it's sketchy. I packed all my stuff (again) into my car last night and finished this morning. My life sits outside in the parking lot waiting to be driven to my new home later today around 7pm. I really really really hope it's safe sitting out there...not like I had much of a choice or anything.

I've had a lot of fun at home. There've been a couple bonfires and I saw a lot of people I don't usually get to see often. It kind of makes me sad to leave again but I have a feeling I'll be spending a lot of weekends in Livonia like I did last summer.

Classes start Monday...can't say I'm looking forward to it. At least I'm almost done with my homework HA. I got 3 grades back so far...had to be the 3 worst ones right? LING-C, MUSC-B+ (with an AMAZING 50/50 on the final. I rocked that shit and glad that she finally realized it.) and and PHY- A-. I'm kinda proud. The other 2 should be A's. :)

It's friday, the day when a lot of people leave ypsi. I couldn't sleep last night knowing that today would be rough. Jon has left, Ashley is about to leave, and I'm gone tomorrow. Surprisingly a few people are sticking around til monday, which is when finals actually end. I'm lucky enough to be done today, after 5 days of straight tests.

Had my cummulative final in linguistics this morning and honestly, I have no clue how I did, which probably isn't the best sign. That's the only class I'm worried about though, I need a C or higher. If I get a C-, watch out, seriously. The rest should be A's and high B's :) I'm so drained today. My body chose a great day to give me cramps. I have to pack all my stuff sometime tonight :( I am so depressed.

I really really really hope this summer turns out good! i need excitement and things to do, and another job lol.

Next year I will be a wreck with everyone graduating. I don't want to think about it. I also need to get my stuff going. I have to figure out a living plan for 5th year, be ready to take out loans, decide if I'll be an RA maybe, get my slip in for FETE and for Substitute teaching (so weird) and make reservations for traverse city in the summer. Oh man...

Rockstar is kinda fucking up my body...I'm jittery and tired at the same time.

Tomorrow is my last final. I have to finish with a bang and have it be a cummulative one. I don't even feel like trying anymore. I'm ready for this to be done. I checked my email today and I recieved one from a spring professor. She already gave us freaking homework. I have enough to worry about at the moment...thanks. Spring should be fun then...argh.

This whole next week is going to be nuts. I move out Saturday to go home, and move back to ann arbor on Wednesday, while working this entire next week. Idk how I'm going to get that done. Then the craziness starts all over with spring semester in a week. I NEED A BREAK!

Morgan said that we won't have boy roommates until June so that'll be an easy transition I think. I'll be able to get used to things while it's just her and I. I've encountered one dillema though, her lease is up on the 27th of August and my Birthday is the 28th :( god dammit. Freaking figures.

As for grades this semester I think I did pretty darn good. An A in physics is all I know so far but what I think it will be is this: Lit: A, CTAR: A, LING: C+?, and MUSC: B+? We'll see. I really really really hope I dont have to take linguistics over again, that class was painful.

Cedar Point openining weekend- May 10th, be there. I know I will! :)

I went to a Theory of a Deadman concert last night and it was awesome. Nikki and I got up as close as we could, which was pretty darn close. Towards the end I ended up getting shoved back by old people that used very interesting tactics of invading my god damn space. One guy leaned over backwards into me while filming who I then punched and moved, Ass. All in all, they were amazing in concert and we met the band Safetysuit and got something signed, they were really good too. We will be going to the May 16th Harpos concert :)

It's been a hell of a week with all the end of the semester projects due. I had multiple papers, presentations, and books to read. It sucked. Idk what I would have done if I didn't have this job. The weather was nice the majority of the week, not like it mattered cuz I've been inside for basically all of it.

Ashley and I had a watergun fight on Wednesday night with Jon and Alex, with our main focus being our RA. He ended up getting me more wet than I did him. Oh well, it was a lot of fun.

I move out next Friday. I don't really know how I feel about it. I'll most likely be at home for a weekish while commuting to ypsi for work. I then should be in ann arbor whenever morgan's roommate moves out...no clue when that is. My spring isn't going to be much fun. I'll have a reading and a writing class, both for my english major (which will almost be done)! I'll be working 20hrs but looking for a second job because summer is always very expensive with rent, utilities, food, and gas, which will probably be a bitch.

There's only 3 more weeks of school left, 2 actual weeks of classes. This semester was supposed to be a break of the hard stuff I'll have to deal with for the rest of school. Well, it wasn't. There was a lot of projects and reading that now bugs me. My music teacher hates me, that's pretty obvious. I'll probably end up with an extremely undeserving C in that class. She can go to hell and shove the recorder...well you know. Anyway, spring classes will be ok, just classes for my english major- ENGL 323 and RDNG 220. I'll have to wake up early in the morning which will probably result in me feeling ill all the time. I just hope I can get some sleep where I will live. At least spring will be done quick, that's why I love spring classes. 3 weeks and you're pretty much half done.

The weather today is gorgeous, although I'm stuck in work with the sun shining through to me from a window :( Whatever. This summer better be good, the traverse city course is a bit of a hassle, finding a place to stay and going by myself, but what beats 3 cr hrs in a week?

I went home this past weekend. I hung out with Nikki, Joel, and Steve mostly. Went to a wedding and very different kind of party. I DDed, which is becoming a not so fun pattern, oh well. People there were so stupid. I witnessed a fight, a girl flinging herself all over the place, people slapping each other and girls going into the bathroom 4 at a time. Makes me appreciate Eastern paties...for the most part at least. lol.

My homework just keeps pilling up. It's almost the end of the semester so what professors like to do is give one or two projects due at the end then give you maybe one more test and then finally a final. I just got done with a physics project and was assigned another. I have a quiz and a huge project due in lit next week, along with a hard lesson plan (which ive only ever done one) due in music, 2 more tests in linguistics, and 3 projects due in improv. haisdjfksdhfidsjfd. That's not even everything. I'm beyond sick of school.

I went to Royal Oak with Tony last night. It was SNOWING. The roads were slick and I didn't really want to drive there and back but did anyway. Coming back I was trying to get out of the way of a truck which basically pushed me almost into the median, I thought for sure we were going in because I lost control going about 50 mph...gr. I hate michigan. Why the hell does it snow in spring. I'm getting the hell out of here as soon as i get a job.

I hate being in bad moods. I also hate my body, and I'm pretty sure it hates me back.

I just got out of my class of the day. It's of course a late class. It's the day that everyone goes home for break and everyone has gone home. The parking lot is almost empty and there's almost no one on campus. I couldn't get any food cuz everything closed early. It sucks. It's making me think of everyone leaving for the summer. I HATE it. I don't want everyone to leave me again. I figure that at least this time I'll be living in ann arbor where there are more things to do/walk to. The apartment last year made me sad a lot being alone and scared to venture out where the drug dealers and creepers were. Owen wasn't there much, which wasn't his fault of course though. I just don't want the next month to come I guess. I want classes to be over and everything,

I am looking forward to going home though. I love the people there and miss them dearly. I enjoy going home for long weekends but honestly no longer than that. I would rather not live there again, it's just nice to visit. I'm glad I'm living in the same spot next year, this year worked out well. I'll figure out my fifth and maybe sixth year here later...

Time to go home and hang out :)

This past weekend was a blast. The fraternity and their gf's all headed up to traverse city to The Great Wolf Lodge for the weekend. We arrived Friday and went to the waterpark and aracade and stuff. Later there was a party in our room and I had a little too much to drink, and so did heather (roomie). She got sick and I had the spins and our boyfriends took care of us. (sorry tony) Then saturday night was the Formal. After a day of the waterpark and getting ready we went to the formal to eat and socialize and whatnot. It was a lot of fun. After formal there was another party...in our room again. lol. Tony and I went to another room to hang out. At 2:30 he kicked them out and we went to sleep. Sunday morning I woke up feeling sick. We drove back, I took a nap and felt worse. Tony told me later that basically everyone else who had gone was also sick. Hmmm...

I wish I could keep reliving this weekend, I had so much fun. Everyone was so nice and I felt like I blended in. It was basically a sleepless weekend starting thursday night. It was nice to escape college, but not escape college at the same time...ya know?

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I hope I feel good enough to drink a little bit later.

My boss came back to work yesterday. He was off for about a week for medical reasons. I don't mean to be cruel but it was nice not having him here for a while. There wasn't anyone here to make fun of me, my family, my stupidity. Well, that all went back to normal and it's his 2nd day back. I HATE it. I'm so sick of being looked down upon.

So I ended up taking my cartilidge piercing out yesterday. :( It looks horrible, there's a bump on the back of my ear and I really really hope it eventually goes down. I had to do it though, there could have been worse consequences down the line. I most likely won't get anything else pierced for fear of that happening again because it very well could, but we'll see.

I really have to get working on my spring/summer schedules...ugh.

So since I've gotten back from spring break things have been going a lot better. I'm in a much better mood. I'm not worried much about my grades (although I got my first B+ paper today, first paper that wasn't an A). So not bad. Still thinking about moving after graduation. Besides you get paid more in the south anyway.

Yesterday was my one month with being with Tony. Sadly I haven't been in an actual relationship that lasted more than 2 months in...well I guess since high school. They all just kinda have their way of getting messed up. So it's a little weird for me. I actually feel kind of pathetic from that now, I didn't realize it. blah. But formal is this weekend and I found out yesterday that it's in traverse city. Wow. That's far away, I thought it was in Flint. Traverse city is so pretty though. At least I told him I tend to get car sick...haha. I got a dress, it's blue and knee length. :)

I'm so sick of my classes. We do the exact same thing in all except for one class each time, esp in improv. It's annoying having to perform in front of the class every time we meet. I kinda can't wait for a challenge in the fall actually...I say that now, probably won't later.

Stupid time change...I still haven't adjusted.

So here I am, back in Michigan. My only welcome back was having my car underneath a foot of snow and stuck in the parking spot in Indiana. It was in no way a warm welcome back with a 3 hr drive ahead of me. I came back last night and crashed, I don't even remember laying down. It had been a long day from the plane ride, train ride, and drive back. CRAZY day.

I realized that all human beings need a break, a vacation if they're lucky. I was lucky enough to go to Los Angeles, California. It was a crazy week full of random and amazing times. It was the break I needed. I'm starting to think Michigan isn't the place for me. Don't get me wrong, it's my home and most of the people I love are right here. My only hope for a job when I graduate is south or west or ya know, southwest. It's intriguing to me right now at the thought of moving somewhere beautiful and warm. Also, seeing Jordan do it and be successful being younger than me I know it's possible.

We visited all the hot spots- Hollywood, Venice, Santa Monica, Zuma, Malibu. It was all so beautiful to finally see it with my own eyes. I was finally excited and happy. (not to sound emo but I really hit a slump these past couple months). This summer I think I'll be taking a traverse city course (it's only a week) so I can just work summer semester and it'll be like a little vacation even though it's school. I worked on my fall schedule and it will be, what I hear, my "hell semester" so I'm only taking 5 classes, 13 cr hrs. Then in January I'll go to Disney World. Who knows I change my mind all the time, it could turn out different. It's nice having something to look forward to though. Aaaaaand Tony's formal is in 2 weeks. Pretty excited for that. Just need a dress...hmmmm.

Tomorrow after my class and meeting I will be on the road to Chicago. Idk what we're doing in Chicago but at least we have a place to stay. Morgan hasn't been feeling good the past few days and ended up in the hospital so she made a doctor's apt for home which will delay us a little bit, but I want her better. Saturday morning we're flying out from Chicago to Los Angeles. It's going to be in the high 60's and I get to wear flip flops again! I come back Thursday by myself and have to work the next morning. Thursday will be such a long day! I go home for the weekend after work.

I don't like the person I've become lately. I don't know what it is but I'm almost never in a good mood anymore. I'm not depressed and I'm not lonely. I think I'm sick of school and my normal routine. With classes ending at 7 and 8 all the time it gets annoying. Hopefully after the break I'll be my normal self again, we'll see. Usually any change of scenery will do it.

Classes are up for the spring and summer semesters. It's very cruel of them to offer my only chemistry class i need for just the spring semester at 8am to 12 pm. I have to commute from ann arbor which would mean I'd be up at 6:30. Then work 12-5. I'm going to absolutely hate it. But for summer I think I'm only going to have a Traverse City course for one week so I can sort of have a summer off. Next fall will be hell semester, can't wait.

I ended up getting a new computer. I got a macbook :) I'm a bit addicted to video chatting, I think it's fascinating. It's going to take a while for me to figure out though...ugh. Only bad part. Should last me at least 6 years though, which is good.

I just got in a new relationship early Sunday morning. I feel like there is a lot there and alot to grow on since I have a lot to learn about him. I hate how I feel when I first start something. Maybe I should explain this to him... And there's this formal at the Great Wolf Lodge that I'm super excited to go to :)

I've decided I'm going to go work at Disney World. I can't seem to think of a good time to go though. I think semester would have been a good time. Nothing really happens in winter and it's warm in Florida. But if I go this time next year then I'll miss out on my friend's last semester :( If I wait til my fifth year I'll be behind and I'll feel old being 22 there probably. Idk what to do...

11 days til LA!

I recieved the "blue screen of death" a couple of nights ago so I am without a computer except for at work. You don't think of how much you actually use it. I can't check my email before class, can't charge my ipod, can't play my music, and there's a chance I will loose all my itunes again! Owen's trying to fix it now, and Shane might too. But urgh, it's annoying how much that thing breaks on me...I need a new one...better yet I need money for a new one lol. Speaking of which I got paid today, also I'm recieving a raise on March 3 I believe...don't ask because I have no idea. But I will make 8 dollars an hour.

Today is Ashley's 21st birthday, happy birthday ashley! We're going out to eat and...I can't say the rest cuz it's a surprise lol. I'm looking forward to it, I bet she is too lol.

17 more days til LA. I think I should be more excited, I guess it hasn't hit me yet. I wish I knew what we were doing there, maybe I'd be more excited then? lol. Oh well, I still have to pay Morgan for the plane tickets. Yay for warm weather.

Tony found my livejournal...dammit. lol. No, it's ok I just don't want him to think I'm this depressing person who bitches about everything. But I mean, that's what LJ's for right? Btw, wrote an entry in the EMU comm lj and got quite the responses back. Made me very happy and just a little proud. :)